De-Mystifying London

Separating the Fact and Myths of that Country Hugh Grant Is From

I’ve spent the last two weeks studying abroad in London’s South Kensington area, learning about Arts and Media in London’s history while immersing myself in English and British culture. I will now tell you what is true about London, what you thought was true but is false, what you thought was false but was true, and what you thought you knew was false but really has yet to be proven.
First off, England and Britain are different things. England encompasses only the southern part of the main island, specifically where The Beatles took the Abbey Road picture and a 2-mile radius outside of that. Meanwhile, Britain includes England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland, The Isle of Man, and probably still Canada. I can give you two sentences to help you determine the difference.

“Those English people are drunk.”

“Those British people are extremely drunk.”

Many people will tell you that they drive on the wrong side of the road in England, but it’s actually a myth. I don’t know why that rumor is so popular because everyone drives on the right, just like at home. I guess maybe some one-way streets make it seem like they drive the wrong way, but honestly I don’t see how someone could make that mistake.
Actually, the traffic lights are upside-down. And Stop Signs and Yield Signs are interchangeable. That is confusing.
Also, British accents are supposedly prominent, but I’ve spoken to many Brits here and they all sound pretty much like us. I guess if you concentrate really hard while you listen you may hear sort of like an LA-type accent. But in regular conversation the accents are unnoticeable.
Derek Jeter is a huge celebrity here. I can’t go across the street without seeing a giant billboard of his face advertising Strongbow or BBC Programming. They love him. Whenever I tell people I’m from New York, they always ask if I know Derek Jeter. I’ve never met him, but I tell them I have just to see them smile.
Additionally, “Fish and Chips” isn’t our “Fish and French Fries.” They’re just regular chips. I’ve always gotten Doritos, but you can ask for Ruffles on request.
They’re also much bigger fans of the US version of “The Office” here. Most of the people watched the UK version and either didn’t get it or couldn’t understand what they were saying, but everyone agrees the US version is far superior. And Stanley is their favorite character.
Also, bangers and mash is grilled ox penis with gravy. Don’t get it.
The Brits love music here, especially American Country music. Toby Keith is almost as popular as the Queen. The only thing is that they replace some of the words to better fit their culture. For example, instead of “America” they say “Britain,” they say “Tony Blair” instead of “Jesus,” “The Big Bang” instead of “God.” The rhyme scheme in these songs are wrecked.
Everybody’s teeth here are awful. That fact’s true.
Finally, Big Ben doesn’t exist. All the pictures you see are either old photogrpahs or photoshopped. They tore it down in the early ’70′s.

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